


Cenotaph

by Eponin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-04
Updated: 2011-04-04
Packaged: 2017-10-17 14:22:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/177778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eponin/pseuds/Eponin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All his life, Sam has been a symbol.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cenotaph

  
_Cenotaph: A monument erected in memory of a dead person whose remains lie elsewhere._   


**Summer 2003**

Sam leaned up against the glass, eyes watching the landscape pass by outside the window. He was conscious of the bag beneath his seat that held knives, a gun, a small sickle, and more salt that any restaurant could use in a year.

Dean had pressed them on him before he’d left, told him they were for _just in case_. Sam hadn’t argued. Whatever made Dean feel better, more comfortable with him leaving, was fine with him.

All his life, Sam has been a symbol – a representation of Mary for both John and Dean. Her memorial when they’d long since been forced to leave her grave behind. He always knew, too, that he was the center of their dysfunctional little family. Dean and Dad would protect him first, before they’d protect each other – or themselves.

The fighting, the arguing, Sam wanting the hunts to _stop_ , it was never about him. It was always about family. Dean and Dad never saw that.

Sam has taken care to hide it from them.

Sam grew up afraid. Terrified that one day his family would go out hunting and simply never come back; terrified that he’d be left behind. Alone. So he left first. He threw words in his father’s face, carefully calculated – words to piss him off. Words he couldn’t and wouldn’t take back.

He didn’t regret it. Well, he didn’t regret it much. He loathed that _he’d_ caused the destruction of their family, but now maybe Dean and Dad would concentrate on each other instead of him.

Maybe they’d live.

 

 **Winter 2006**

Thinking back on Jess, Sam understands Dad now, understands Dean. Because Jess died and there was nothing left to save, nothing – no one – to protect. No symbol, no Sam, to remember her by, just blood and flame and a simple grave. And Sam realizes now that Dad has never been obsessed with the dead. He’s been obsessed with the living, with Dean and Sam and making sure they could fight, could protect, so the last pieces of Mary would live.

And holding onto this anger, this obsession, is getting harder every passing day. Jess is gone, but Dean is still here and he thinks maybe Dean is _his_ symbol now, his reminder to keep living, keep fighting, while Mom and Jess sleep.


End file.
